I am an introvert. And like most other introverts, I sometimes find it hard to survive in a world that seems to cater to the all mighty extrovert. As a result, I'm always on the lookout for good books on how to make things a little easier on myself. Flipping through Jason Roeder's, “Oh, The Humanity!”, I thought it might be useful to read, so I gave it a shot. You can also see a list of other books I've reviewed on the “Book Reviews” of the site.
Part One: Essential Qualities You Lack
Confidence - Confidence doesn't necessarily mean acting without fear. If you had no fears, you wouldn't need confidence. Confidence, according to Jason, is taking action despite that fear. Jason touches on some tips for improving your confidence. My favorite tip from this section is keeping a pride journal. This is done by jotting down any small accomplishment, or maybe a small compliment someone gave you that day. Then, when you're feeling like you can't do anything right, you have this entire journal you can flip through to get back up and going again. Other tips include: Changing your inner monologue, taming your self consciousness, looking like you matter, and changing your environment.
Humor - Nothing can win people over faster or more easily than humor. This chapter guides you through some of the rules for using humor and, “harnessing your inner Wayans Brother.”
Curiosity - Everyone wants their thoughts and feelings validated just as much as you do. If you want others to be interested in you, then you're going to have to return the favor, because everyone else is just as self-centered as you are. The best way to get people interested in you, is to be genuinely interested in them.
Empathy - If you want to be the kind of person that a friend can go to and open up about private matters, you need to be able to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Some of these empathy rules include, not judging the other person, keeping the focus on them, and facilitating an appropriate environment.
Part Two: Conversation for People Who'd Rather Be Home Fondling Their Record Collections, Kniting Berets for Pets They May or May Not Actually Have, or Just Sitting in a Dark Room, Dreaming of an Even Darker Room
Small Talk - This topic is by far the most interesting for me personally, as I have the most difficulty with this in my own life. Jason does a nice job here explaining how easy it is to find shared interests and experiences that make for comfortable small talk, when using personal and situational observations. He also includes several nice tips on extending these starter topics into the types of conversations you can make friends with.
Difficult People and Topics - This chapter seems silly at first, with tips such as using hunger or restroom urges to excuse yourself from painful conversations. However, politely exiting yourself from controversial conversation or difficult people is definitely a good skill to have. This chapter offers some help with how to navigate through these difficult conversations and people.
Nonverbal Communication - Everyone knows that verbal communication is only part of the equation when it comes to how you express yourself. In fact, your body language can communicate as much, or even more than what you're speaking with your mouth. Following Jason's hints on smiling, eye contact, nodding, posture, and physical contact, should bring you a step closer to a relaxed, friendly and genuine first impression.
Effective Cross-Cultural Communication - Jason makes a great point here that not everyone you meet will come from the same culture or ethnic background as you. This chapter offers some tips on how to use some extra caution when dealing with cross-cultural communication, as well as some common values and customs that vary with ethnic diversity.
Part Three: Making Friends That Last a Lifetime (Or Until Things Just Kind of Drift)
How Do I Know If Someone's My Friend - A friend is someone who puts up with your flaws. A friend encourages you. A friend is honest with you. A friend is someone you can confide in. A friend is fun. A friend will happily drown for you.
Where Will I Find My Friends? - I had never really thought about this question until reading this chapter because up until now, I've always had plenty of opportunities to make friends in school with classes, intramural sports, clubs and other events. Once I graduate however, I will no longer have such easy access to making friends. Jason offers some great tips on how to go out and meet people. My favorite of these tips is joining an adult education class or volunteering. This way, you already know you have at least one common interest to talk about with everyone around you.
Will You Be My Friend? - This isn't my top choice on the topic, but overall, this is nice short, and to the point book, with plenty of tips getting you started with overcoming shyness or introversion. There is plenty of humor throughout the book keeping it fun and easy to get through in one sitting.
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