Before I dive into my review of this book, I have a confession, the reason I picked this book up was because of the title. As you already know, I am slightly introverted and enjoy reading about people with similar experiences to mine, and how they deal with it. When I saw the title, “Never Eat Alone”, I thought to myself, “wow I would love to never eat alone again.” So if you made the same mistake as me, this is just a warning that it may not be exactly what you thought it was. While this book does have some nice tips on establishing strong relationships, the real focus is on networking in your professional life. You can also see a list of other books I've reviewed on the “Book Reviews” page of this blog.
Section One: The Mind-Set
Most professionals have had to reach out for help to get a job interview, an internship, or some free advice at some point in their career. But many others are reluctant to ask for this help because of the negative connotations we attach to the idea of networking. Keith talks about many of the misperceptions we have about networking, and describes how we can build these relationships properly. His main argument is that you shouldn't be looking for how others can help you, instead you should be looking for how you can help them.
Your “Blue Flame” is where your natural talents and abilities intersects with your passion and desire. Finding this blue flame is the key to a successful career. After identifying your career path, you need some tools you can use to reach these new goals. The main tool Kieth uses to reach these goals is the “Networking Action Plan”. The first part of this plan is identifying incremental goals that will help you to eventually reach your end objective. Then identify the people that will help you reach these goals. The third and most important part of this plan, is to determine how to reach out to these people for guidance.
The biggest take away from this section for me, is that the wrong way to network is to start reaching out to others when you need something. Instead, you can build real relationships with people you genuinely care about, doing everything you can to help them succeed before you need anything at all. Your success depends on everyone around you, not just the people above you.
Section Two: The Skill Set
So now you have the right mind set, and all you need to know is how to execute properly. This section is the important part for people like me (people who have trouble with small talk). Keith covers some great tips on how to connect with people in a short amount of time, and how to turn this into a long lasting friendship.
“Friendship is created out of the quality of time spent between two people, not the quantity.” How can you make sure the short amount of time you get with to spend with someone is of the highest quality? Research! It's okay to google someone you know you're going to meet. It's actually something you two can laugh about when you do meet. Good preparation makes it easier to find things to talk about, places to go, and activities to do with each other.
The most interesting suggestion from this section was to always let your guard down. Carrying polite, formal small talk with someone you just met leads to a boring and forgettable experience. Don't be afraid to expose your interests, concerns, and passions. The more personal the better, whats the worst that can happen?
Other than offering some specific techniques for achieving the memorable encounters described above, Keith also covers how to: warm cold calling, the importance of gate keepers, follow up properly, approach conferences the right way, how to expand your circle of friends, and the importance of doing so.
Section Three: Turning Connections into Compatriots
This section was my least favorite of the entire book, because the topics included in this section remind me of why I personally have a negative attitude towards professional networking. I can see the importance of “value pinging” (ex. sending a contact a helpful article), or mixing your friends through dinner parties. But it still sounds like finding a way to keep in contact with people you don't really care about, just for the sake of keeping them as contacts.
One positive I did take away from this section was the idea of social arbitrage. Social arbitrage is a formal way of describing something most of us already do, helping others around us to succeed. You can do this by introducing a friend to someone you know can help them reach a goal, or even just by doing some research yourself and sending some of that knowledge to someone you know it will help.
“What better way is there to show appreciation and to lavish praise on others than to take an interest in who they are and what their mission is?”
Section Four: Trading Up and Giving Back
The theme of this section is this: when you do finally make it, remember where you came from, remember who helped get you there, and don't get too full of yourself. Keith tells a beautiful story of his experience in this area where he admits he had to learn these lessons the hard way.
The section starts off with how to build your brand. In order to stand out, you should find yourself a niche. Some area that combines your passions and skills to the point where you can call yourself an expert. When you finally do find it, put your shyness aside and market it like crazy. The key here is to focus on building the natural skills and talents you are already strong with, rather than focusing on your weaknesses. Find clubs where you can work on these skills, if there are none, start your own!
When you have the opportunity to move up, remember to help others move with and before you. The most valuable connections are the ones you already have. When you are a leader, you have to make the people under you feel like they are working with you, or you won't be able to move up. Remember all the people who've helped you get there and do the same for others just starting out.
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